


Turn Back To The Start

by kjhs (heiwajima)



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heiwajima/pseuds/kjhs
Summary: Minhyun's journey begins and ends with Jonghyun.A collection of firsts.





	1. Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weishenme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weishenme/gifts).



The first time Minhyun’s fingers brush against Jonghyun’s hand, a jolt of electricity passes through and he jerks his hand back, fingers twitching slightly in surprise. The static of their dorm couch, he muses, or perhaps the fabric of his wool sweater that his mother packed for him before departing for Seoul. An accident, that’s all.

The second time it happens, he knows it’s not a mistake.

It’s not really electricity anymore by the third, tenth, hundredth times, but more like a warmth that flows from his fingers to his chest and blooms to the pit of his stomach, heat spreading throughout his body. He feels the tips of his ears burn red as Jonghyun apologizes, side-stepping away from where he bumped into Minhyun during rehearsal.

Minhyun isn’t a great dancer - his limbs are too long, too awkward as he flails around trying to control his motions - but Jonghyun is a natural-born talent. Fluid motions and sharp gazes peer through the bangs sticking to his forehead, Jonghyun runs through the chorus choreography for the hundredth time in a row as Minhyun watches in awe and admiration. They’re the only two left in the practice room, Dongho, Aron, and Minki having left hours ago but promising to save them some dinner. Their dance trainer had scolded Minhyun for being the only one to not have perfected the choreography yet and told him to stay until he could run through the chorus at least ten times without mistakes, and Jonghyun stayed behind because, well, it’s Jonghyun.

“I still can’t remember which arm extends out first,” Minhyun says, frustration creeping into his voice. “I spend too long thinking about what move comes next but you make it look so effortless.”

Jonghyun pants slightly as he finishes running through the chorus again, wiping a droplet of sweat that’s trickled down to his chin. “It just takes lots of practice and repetition. Do it over and over until it’s muscle memory.” He walks over to the mirror and picks up his discarded towel on the floor, patting his face dry while taking a seat against the wall. “Show me what you’ve got so far.”

It’s intimidating being singled out, especially having to dance for your group’s leader for your debut stage. Minhyun’s already feeling the nerves creeping up his throat, but he stands in the center of the practice room and runs through the chorus once, mumbling the lyrics under his breath alongside the music playing. Jonghyun watches with narrow and sharp eyes, flickering back and forth with rapt attention.

“It’s not bad, but you need to dance with more force. Your movements are a bit constricted now, see-” He gets up, throwing the towel over his shoulder, and walks over to where Minhyun’s standing. “See, at this part, you need to extend your right arm out all the way when the lyrics go ‘jackpot’, and remember to not bend your elbow.” Jonghyun stands to the right of Minhyun and demonstrates once, watching his own movements in the mirror. “Try again.”

Minhyun repeats the dance but the moment his right arm shoots out, Jonghyun grabs it.

“A bit higher, and extend it out all the way, yeah, just like that.” He smiles as he looks at Minhyun’s reflection in the mirror. “See how that looks cleaner now? Much better.”

Minhyun feels the heat from where Jonghyun’s fingers are wrapped around his forearm and the familiar warmth blooms in his stomach again. 

“Yeah,” he smiles, looking at Jonghyun through the mirror. “Much better.”

Jonghyun reciprocates with a wide grin and pats Minhyun on the back. “Good, now do it nine more times and we can finally go home.”

And maybe it’s Jonghyun’s praise that spurs Minhyun on, giving him the motivation and encouragement that he desperately needed, but he manages to pull off the choreography flawlessly over and over until Jonghyun finally cuts him off, proudly declaring that his work is done for the evening. They tidy up quickly, stomachs rumbling with hunger and minds wondering out loud what leftovers Aron saved for them. Minhyun’s eager to leave but he waits patiently as Jonghyun meticulously replaces the furniture in their proper positions and flicks off the studio lights.

The late-night winter chill cuts across Minhyun’s cheeks as they trudge back to their dorm. Bundled tight in a long coat, gloves, and scarf, his breaths puff into the darkness, little clouds trailing in his path. 

“Is it always this cold in Seoul?” Minhyun asks half-jokingly as he stares up at the sky, stars twinkling in the cloudless night. It’s a clear night and in the soft moonlight, he can barely see Jonghyun’s silhouette illuminated in the dark alleyway. 

Jonghyun wordlessly chuckles in response, but instead reaches out to adjust the scarf that’s slipping down Minhyun’s face. His fingers, icy and stiff from the cold, feel like fire when brushed against Minhyun’s cheeks.

Minhyun can feel the tips of his ears turning red and he’s grateful that it’s too dark for Jonghyun to see.

“Your hands are freezing, Jonghyun,” he whispers. Before he can stop himself, he slips his hand out of his glove and places it over Jonghyun’s, his fingers still lingering on his cheek. The contrast between his warm soft hands and Jonghyun’s chilled chapped fingers is almost too much for Minhyun to handle, and every surface of Minhyun’s skin where Jonghyun touched burns with heat and desire.

“Ah…” Jonghyun smiles sheepishly, voice trailing off and head dipping down. “It’s not that bad.”

The night is silent and Minhyun can hear the rush of air escape past his lips, the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. He doesn’t quite trust himself to speak and his cheeks burn fiery hot, Jonghyun’s hand still cupped tenderly against the side of his face. His fingers twitch slightly, then carefully intertwine with Jonghyun’s, fingers fitting perfectly as if they were made and meant to be held together. He tucks their hands into his jacket pocket, thumb brushing softly against the back of Jonghyun’s hand.

Minhyun has always been affectionate, never sparing too much thought to a lingering touch here or a brush of shoulders there. It’s not the first time they’ve held hands, it’s not even the first time he’s touched Jonghyun in a more intimate fashion, but it’s the first time his heart beats hard against his chest as he gently squeezes his hand against Jonghyun’s.

The burning sensation of Jonghyun’s hands on his face fades and, despite the winter’s cold, Minhyun feels warmth spread throughout his body. His cheeks, flushed pink with the cold and Jonghyun’s touch, break out into a shy smile as the rest of the walk continues silently - two boys smiling softly, one looking up at the sky and one looking down at the road, and two hands tucked tightly into Minhyun’s pocket, fingers gently intertwined.


	2. Sleep

As with many bad decisions, it starts out with an innocent suggestion.

And it’s not that Minhyun doesn’t want to spend time with Dongho, he swears, but after a long month of promotions with early morning preparations and late night filming, all he wants to do is lay in bed wearing stretched out old sweats and sleep for the next fifty years. Dongho swears by his friend’s cooking and says this restaurant’s soft opening will be a success, but Minhyun half-apologetically declines again, and Dongho sighs.

Aron and Minki had jumped at the chance, already huddled by the door and slipping on their shoes, chatting excitedly about the restaurant photos Dongho had showed them. To nobody’s surprise, Jonghyun had declined the offer almost instantly and was now curled up on the couch, tapping away on his phone.

“You never want to go anywhere anymore,” Dongho whines, and Minhyun feels slightly guilty now.

“Next time,” he promises. “Go have fun.”

Dongho waves his hand dismissively and grabs his jacket hanging on the back of the kitchen chair. “Yeah, yeah,” he sighs, “And you two, have fun watching movies all night and falling asleep on the couch, or whatever it is that you do at home instead of hanging out with us.”

From across the room, Jonghyun’s eyebrow twitches slightly at those words, a small smile on his lips.

It’s not a bad suggestion at all, which is exactly how Jonghyun and Minhyun end up on the floor, blankets and pillows strewn around them, backs to the couch and already on their third film of the night. Dongho had texted that they would be coming back late, having met up with some friends afterwards and deciding to hit up a bar before heading home. 

The colourful lights flicker across the screen and illuminate the room in the dark, and Minhyun feels heavy with fatigue. He’s warm from the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and is only half-focusing on the film, but Jonghyun’s eyes are rapt with attention on the laptop perched precariously on a stack of pillows. Under the guise of claiming that it’s the best way to improve his Japanese, Jonghyun had picked an animated film about a mask-wearing mountain spirit who befriends a human girl and Minhyun is focused enough to follow the basic plot, but he’s admittedly more preoccupied with watching Jonghyun than the movie. He’s curled up on his side, head tucked into a pillow next to Minhyun’s thigh. Minhyun longs to reach out and pull Jonghyun closer, to shift the pillow on his lap instead and run his fingers gently through Jonghyun’s hair.

He resists the urge.

“So why can’t they be together?” he asks, gulping down the lump rising in his throat.

Jonghyun doesn’t take his eyes off the screen but he nudges his head closer and Minhyun can feel the warmth of Jonghyun’s body radiating through his blanket. When he answers, his voice is soft. 

“Well, she’s human and he’s not. If he touches her, then he’ll disappear forever,” Jonghyun explains. “I can’t imagine how much it must hurt to love someone so deeply but can’t be with them physically.”

Minhyun’s glad that they turned off the lights so that Jonghyun can’t see the blush creeping up his neck.

“Yeah,” he muses. “But it doesn’t always have to be physical. Sometimes it’s verbal, like words of affirmation. Sometimes it’s spending quality time together. There are different ways to express love.”

Jonghyun finally tears his eyes away from the movie, a bemused expression on his face as he stares up at Minhyun. “For someone who’s never dated, you sure know a lot about love.”

Minhyun’s ears burn as he picks up a pillow and smacks it over Jonghyun’s face, heart racing fast at the sound of his teasing laughter. Jonghyun smiles, eyes crinkling softly in the dark.

“Hey, you wouldn’t mind if I close my eyes for a bit, would you?” Jonghyun asks, already adjusting the pillow slightly. “I…” he hesitates, then slowly places a hand on Minhyun’s stomach, pulling himself closer. “Watching this movie makes me feel a bit touch-starved,” he admits, mumbling softly against Minhyun’s waist.

Blood rushes to Minhyun’s face and he feels flush with heat, mind going numb and desire pooling deep in his stomach where Jonghyun’s hand lays.

Bad idea, he tells himself, even though every fiber of his being is screaming to pull Jonghyun in closer.

“Yes,” he whispers, frozen in his spot and unable to move. His voice is breathy and trembles slightly when he responds.

The movie continues, and it takes all of Minhyun’s self-control to force himself to focus on the film and not on the warm Jonghyun-shaped lump in his lap. The main characters are on a date and Minhyun wonders what it would be like to date freely too. He’s never been in a relationship before, has barely experienced physical intimacy, but he knows what it feels like to love someone so silently and fiercely, so closely yet still unattainable, so devotedly but uncertain of the future. He feels a hollowness in his chest for the mountain spirit when he finally disappears, but also a pang of jealousy that he’s able to spend his final moments enveloped in the arms of the person he loves. It’s not a bad way to go, he thinks.

The credits roll and Minhyun gently shakes Jonghyun, who is still fast asleep in his lap. Somewhere in the last fifteen minutes of the movie, Jonghyun had shifted himself farther down and now had his arms wrapped around Minhyun’s leg, face pressed into his thigh.

“Jonghyun, wake up. Let’s get you to bed,” he whispers, which only results in Jonghyun wrapping himself even tighter around Minhyun’s leg. Through his mumbled protests, Minhyun thinks he hears him mutter out “five more minutes”.

Sighing softly, Minhyun brushes the hair out of Jonghyun’s eyes and examines his sleeping face. He looks tired, dark circles and eyebags prominent, and there’s a smidge of drool on the corner of his mouth. Minhyun unconsciously brushes his thumb across to wipe it away, hesitates slightly, then cups his hand around Jonghyun’s cheek. Jonghyun sighs softly in content, nuzzling closer into Minhyun’s palm.

It feels almost too domestic seeing Jonghyun curled up by his side, fast asleep and wrapped in Minhyun’s blanket. He wants to lay down too but he doesn’t want to cross any boundaries, especially when Jonghyun’s asleep. Even on school trips and family vacations, he’s never shared a bed with anyone. But this isn’t a bed, since they’re sleeping on the floor. And technically it’s only a short nap, since Jonghyun only wanted five more minutes.

It takes a few more seconds of mental gymnastics before Minhyun is satisfied with his reasoning, then gently loosens Jonghyun’s grip so he can lay down too. Jonghyun immediately rolls closer and wraps himself around his arm, tucking his head into the crook of Minhyun’s shoulder.

Jonghyun is warm against his body, and Minhyun finds himself reaching across with his other hand to run his thumb down Jonghyun’s jawline. The way Jonghyun fits next to Minhyun feels too comfortable, too belonging, like their bodies were made for each other. Jonghyun mumbles contently and nuzzles closer again, soft wet lips against Minhyun’s neck. He gasps softly, and Jonghyun’s breath hitches slightly. 

He’s got a suspicion that Jonghyun isn’t really asleep anymore, but there’s almost an unspoken agreement between the two of them that any words would ruin the tenderness of the moment. Instead, he moves his hand up to Jonghyun’s hair and softly runs his fingers through, reveling in the way Jonghyun slowly exhales and relaxes again.

He’s lucky to touch Jonghyun, to cradle him tenderly by his side, to hold him as he sleeps. Even though Minhyun knows this can’t last and neither of them will acknowledge this in the morning, he lets himself sink into the warmth and comfort. Closing his eyes and accepting the weight of Jonghyun by his side, he pushes the intrusive thoughts out of his mind. He knows that this is causing more harm than good and that ignoring his feelings will only lead to bigger issues, but for now, he’s content with having Jonghyun in his arms, no matter the consequences.

“Goodnight,” he mumbles softly against Jonghyun’s forehead, letting the warmth take over his body. The last thing he remembers before falling asleep are soft lips against his neck, mouthing out silently “goodnight, Minhyun”.

**Author's Note:**

> To the one who has been with me through both the best and worst, the one who has been with me from the very start. I love you from the moon to the stars, I love you 3000.


End file.
